Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?
Welcome to the Love Boat. I’ll be your Captain.
Nice shoes, want to fuck?
Pick up lines are a dime a dozen, but some are funny, some are just sad, and others make you pause to blink—but what they all do, is get your attention. One of the lines above actually appeared in one of my books. I won’t tell you which one, because the whole conversation had to do with pick up lines—oh you know, why not? The “nice shoes” line appeared in The Two and the Proud. The debate between them was a lot of fun.
The best lines are the ones, which capture your attention and make you laugh. Even if the laughter is punctuated by a groan. Life has long since taught me the true power of laughter when it comes to making a memorable impression. Now, that said, the worst lines are skeevy or beyond inappropriate. The nice shoes line, for example, teeters on the edge.
While it could come across as playful depending on the delivery, you better be certain of your audience. Not all pick up lines happen in a bar, they can happen when you ask someone out to a meal—when you deliberately arrange the situation so you can spend time getting to know them better.
In my upcoming release, River Wolf, Pad Thai played a key role in an invitation to dinner and pick up for the possibility something more…
River Wolf Blurb
Brett Dalton, Alpha of Hudson River, isolated himself from his pack mates after one betrayed him. The once, easygoing Alpha has become taciturn, remote and unforgiving. His pack worries for him, but they too have suffered a devastating blow. When several members leave to join Three Rivers, the pack faces the threat of dissolution until Brett’s best friend and Lone Wolf, Luc Danes returns to Hudson River accompanied by a beautiful young human—or is she? Something about the woman consumes Brett. Has Luc come home to help or to take the pack from Brett?
Colby Jenson wrapped up thousands of hours of community service working at the hospital in Maine when an injured Luc Danes rolled through the door. The impossible patient drove the nurses crazy, but when Danes offered her money no strings attached to drive him to New York, she agreed. The last thing she expected was to arrive in the small Westchester County town and to meet the craziest collection of residents—especially the devastatingly sexy Brett Dalton. Part of her wants to hit the road, the rest wants to make him smile and he keeps making excuses for her to stay.
Then she sees the wolves…and is exposed to a world she can barely imagine. When Brett discovers a secret about her, nothing will be the same again. Now she will find herself torn between a world she isn’t sure she can understand and the man who has taken her heart hostage…
About Heather Long
National bestselling author, Heather Long, likes long walks in the park, science fiction, superheroes, Marines, and men who aren’t douche bags. Her books are filled with heroes and heroines tangled in romance as hot as Texas summertime. From paranormal historical westerns to contemporary military romance, Heather might switch genres, but one thing is true in all of her stories—her characters drive the books. When she’s not wrangling her menagerie of animals, she devotes her time to family and friends she considers family. She believes if you like your heroes so real you could lick the grit off their chest, and your heroines so likable, you’re sure you’ve been friends with women just like them, you’ll enjoy her worlds as much as she does.
Hi everyone, I’m Linda Bond, TV news reporter by day, author of romantic suspense and romantic thrillers by night. For my worst pick-up line experience I reached out to my readers and asked if they’d share theirs with me. So, here’s a list of possibly the cheesiest, most horrible pick up lines for your enjoyment, followed by a scene from one of my books that left my main character speechless. Enjoy!
Just plain cheese, please:
Are you from Tennessee ‘cause you’re the only ten I see?
Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running around my head all day?
Do you take karate ‘cause your body’s kickin’?
Is your name summer cause you’re hot?
You look a lot like my future ex wife.
Are you trash ‘cause I want to take you out?
I’m not drunk. I’m just intoxicated by you.
Nerdy pick-up lines:
Are you made of Barium and Beryllium because you are a BaBe?
You look like 89 degrees because if you were an angle you’d be acute, and if you were a temperature you’d be hot.
Naughty pick up lines. Read at your own risk:
Are you Latin ‘cause you look like you’ve got a little Cuban in you?
Are you a pinky toe because I want to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house?
Cuba Undercover Blurb
His revenge will change her life forever…
Cuban-American TV reporter Rebecca Menendez’s success comes from playing by the rules. When she’s kidnapped by a fierce and intensely handsome man who needs her help, however, all of those rules seem pointless. Nothing could have prepared her for being taken hostage…or the irresistible reward if she complies: information about her long-thought dead father.
Antonio Vega has spent almost every day of his adult life dreaming of revenging his father’s death. With his sister’s life and freedom in jeopardy, Antonio isn’t taking any chances. But once Rebecca and Antonio are in Cuba, they’re immersed in a world of corruption, deceit, and betrayal. It’s a deadly game…and there are no rules.
About Linda Bond
Linda Bond is an Emmy award-winning journalist by day and an author of romantic adventures by night. She’s also the mother of five, four athletes and an adopted son from Cuba. She has a passion for world travel, classic movies, and alpha males. Linda currently lives in Florida, where the sun always shines and the day begins with endless possibilities. You can become a Bond girl and share in her continuing adventures at www.lindabond.com.
Tommy rode up on his sky blue bike, he was all sandy—haired, sun—kissed and a full twenty minutes late from the agreed—upon meeting time. It was a semi—blind date arranged by Cara, a mutual friend who was insistent we would hit it off.
I was none too wild about blind dates — because something always went wrong. But Cara pointed him out to me from across a restaurant one night, he was cute, and she said he was nice, so I agreed to meet him for a walk at the lake.
“You’ll love him!” she squealed.
But now he was late and would have missed our meeting spot altogether if I hadn’t flagged him down.
“Tommy!” I yelled and waved my arm.
Only one wave, though, I didn’t want to appear anxious.
That, and I wondered if he had decided to ride by first to see what I looked like. I would have been mortified if he’d looked at me and driven the other way.
But he rode over when he heard me call out his name. He was even more handsome than I remembered.
“Hi,” he said and rode a circle around me. The tick, tick, tick of his wheels slowed to a stop.
“Hi,” I said. “I thought maybe you’d forgotten. Or decided you disliked blind dates more than I do.”
“Oh,” he said.
Cicadas sang their song into the Southern stillness and I wiped a bead of sweat from the back of my neck.
“I must have had the time wrong,” he said. “My mistake.”
He smiled his sweet surfer—boy smile and I decided to forgive him. He did seem contrite.
“Well, that’s okay. Shall we?” I said and gestured to the path.
“Sure,” he said.
We talked nonstop as we trekked the three mile lakeside trail.
And though I’d once considered Cara to be one of my most beloved but flakiest of friends, today I regarded her as pure genius.
Tommy was the quintessential triple threat — intelligent, handsome and funny. He loved the outdoors as much as I did, was slated to take over his father’s successful restaurant business and had nothing but positive things to say about his mother.
“I’d love to see you again,” he said when we returned to our original meeting place.
“I’d like that as well, Tommy,” I said.
I was so smitten I may have blushed.
“There’s just one thing…”
“My name is…Donnie. And I don’t know who Tommy is, but he’s an idiot for standing you up today.”
My mouth slipped open, and stayed there as an eternal summer moment slugged by.
“When you called out, I thought you yelled my name. When I figured out that you had the wrong guy, I chose not to bring it up. I hope you don’t mind that I took his place today,” he said. “I really would like to see you again.”
“I … would like that, too,” I finally said.
* * *
I have no idea what happened to Tommy. But Donnie and I dated till summer’s end, when he moved to take over his father’s restaurants. He was the perfect gentleman and I’d have to say this was the best pickup experience!
The Fine Art of Deception: Undoing Time Blurb
Art appraiser Adeline Montgomery just wants a normal life. One where she can ignore the ghosts who follow her, where she’s free from her “gift” of touching an object and seeing the owner’s deepest secrets, and where she can fall in love without all of the above getting in the way. But when tall, dark, and dangerous gallery owner Blake Greenwood enters her life, normal is the last thing she gets.
About Alyssa Richards
Alyssa Richards writes romance and mystery books with a paranormal twist. She lives in the South with her husband and two boys and recently published her first paranormal romance mystery called The Fine Art of Deception: Undoing Time. The sequel, Somewhere in Time is due out in October. Alyssa loves magnolias and gardenias, nurturing her herb and rose garden and holds the world record for taking two dogs from homeless to pampered.