Emily—Thank you for joining me for dinner tonight. And for agreeing to my proposal, as ludicrous as it is. Desperate times call for fake engagements. At least in my family.

I am attaching the contract we discussed. Our lawyers asked that I highlight the following clauses:

• The engagement shall last ninety days
• Both parties are to appear genuinely in love at all royal appearances
• Beyond required public displays of affection, there shall be no contact of any kind between the parties

The first half of your payment will be deposited into your account upon the signing of this contract. Be sure to note your ring size. We would like to make prompt delivery of the family emerald. The Queen and I thank you in advance for your discretion.

Cheers,
Kit
P.S.—Sorry to hear about your divorce. Your ex sounds like a proper knob head.
P.P.S—You looked stunning tonight.