“Not a chance in hell. I happen to like my hands wrapped around your juicy ass.”
She reared back and looked at me in horror. “You think my ass is juicy?”
“Uh, you’ve seen it, right? It’s big and perfect for me to grab onto.”
She struggled to get down and then pushed me away and stalked out of the water. “I can’t believe you just said my ass was big,” she yelled over her shoulder.
I stood there a minute trying to figure out what the hell I said that was so wrong. She had the most gorgeous ass I’d ever seen. Didn’t all girls want a big ass like that Kardashian woman? I ran after her and gripped onto her arm, swinging her around to see me.
“I like that your ass is big.”
She burst into tears and I stood there with wide eyes, wondering what I was supposed to do. There was a reason I didn’t date women. I didn’t know what the hell to say to them on the best of days. Sex was easy. Please them and they’ll be screaming your name the whole night. This…this was totally foreign to me.
“Having a big ass is a good thing. Men like to know they have something to grab onto. Besides, we want to know that you’re sturdy enough that we won’t break you when we fuck you.”
She looked up at me through her tears and cried even harder. “So, now I’m sturdy? Like a tree? Next thing, you’re going to tell me I have big thighs.”
“Big? No, definitely not big. They’re thick and muscular.”
“Thick?” She spun away from me and ran for the beach blanket, grabbing her stuff and throwing it in her bag.
“I like that you’re not a stick,” I said, trying to fix this before I totally fucked up the rest of our day. “If I wanted a model, I would go find one. But those women are all beauty and no brains.”
She sniffed and wiped at her face. “Well, I’m glad to know that I’m thick like a tree, I have a big ass, and apparently I don’t have beauty, but I have brains.”