When I think about his broken face, I can hardly breathe.I’m worried that if I exhale, he will be gone forever.An overexposed photograph in my disjointed mental album.Why can’t I rearrange that night’s events, put them in order?I can remember the texture of his rough hands, the way they squeezed my shoulder that day.Hard enough to hurt.But I can’t see his eyes anymore. They’ve been replaced by cruel black holes.“Beckett, let me go.”He had been miserable and trapped, but at least he’d been safe.I thought I was offering him freedom, but I was wrong.So fucking wrong.When I think about the years I spent loving him, nurturing him, living with him, I’d trade everything I had for an extra hour.An hour where we’d read silently, side by side, until his tired head lolled and rested on my shoulder.Just like old times.Then I’d watch his fragile chest shudder as he struggled to breathe, and think about how grateful I was to have met him.How grateful I was that he saved me and breathed life into an orphan who should’ve floundered, but thrived instead.How grateful I was that for a few precious years, when it was just him and me, I was sublimely happy.When I think about all the blood and tears, all the hissing and all that warped metal, I know I’ll burn in hell with all the other sinners.And I’d welcome its gaping maw with open arms and thank God for punishing me.But instead of casting me through the gates of Hell, God played a cruel trick on me.He made me forget everything. He made me forget all my sins.Then, He reunited me with my first love, and gave me a glimpse of hope, a taste of renewed happiness.Only to take it all away a few weeks later, and ruin me all over again.
Honest thoughts about this book. … well there are a lot in my mind but I am not sure how to find the right words to express them.
There are books / stories that you like or dislike for certain reasons. And usually you can easy pinpoint those reasons and describe them … but in case of Sinner by Jackie Y. Wang I am really struggling.
It is my first book by this author so I cannot say anything about this being her usual writing style or if this is an unusual book. What I can say is that the writing of this book is solid and well developed.
My feelings are not that clear though when it comes to the storyline and character development. The characters I honestly felt were a little superficial at the beginning. As the blurb states the reunion of the leads was under strong emotional circumstances but for some reason it felt bland when I actually read it and I am not even sure why. (which brings me back to my struggles)
Then there is the “now-and-then” part of the story – the positioning of that felt strange to me – I think it would have been better to place the part containing their history either directly in front of the actual story and then start with “now” (my personal favorite) or it could have been placed a little later in the story. Where it is now is either too late or to early …
Then there is the storyline in total … I think there were to many ideas the author included into the plot. It felt to complicated … yes while I am writing this I think “complicated” is the right word.
I guess now you start to wonder – I am giving this book 4 stars but the above comments do not sound like it is a 4 star review – right?
Well wrong actually… because amongst all these thoughts there is still something about this story that drew me in. It was not really a mystery, not the plotline and not the characters. At least not if I single those things out and look at them separately.
But in total – the honest truth is that I did not put the book down… I finished it. Even with all my thoughts about it I liked it. So my thoughts come full circle here, I honestly can not explain it but as I promised the truth THIS IS IT.
Take a look and judge for yourself … I wonder what your thoughts will be…