Excerpt

 

There’s a strange tapping on my window. My heart
pounds in my chest as I remember the last time. Nothing happened then, but I do
sort of wish I had Zara with me now. 

 I take a deep breath and tiptoe to the window
and peer out. A happy face peers back at me. I blink and then slide open the
window.  

“What the hell are you doing here, Jackson?” His
eyes are bright and alive, and I realize I’m very happy to see him.  

“I want to show you something,” he says.  

“Normal people come to the door, you know?” 

 He shrugs. “You told me your parents were
strict—figured this was the safe way.”  

I shake my head. He’s crazy. And sneaking around my
parents with a boy, even a boy as innocent as Jackson, probably isn’t the best
idea in the world. Especially after what happened at dinner. I narrow my eyes.
“Is it important?” 

 He nods eagerly, and I sigh. Good thing I
didn’t change out of my school clothes yet. Besides, the chances of my parents
coming to my room are nonexistent. After that big speech, my dad will want to
bask in his own glory while he gives me time to think over his “lesson.” I grab
a pair of tennis shoes from my closet, flick off the light so my parents think
I’m sleeping, and climb out the window.  

“Okay, what’s so important?”  

He grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine,
which makes my heart patter in a completely idiotic way. And then he runs,
pulling me with him. I notice he’s wearing a backpack. We run down the street
and behind one of the houses, back to the field with the honeysuckles and my
mini Central Park. 

Then we stop. The sky is a dark blue, but there’s
still a little bit of light peeking out over the horizon. The field is
right in front of us, with the little specks of lights flickering in the
darkness. “Fireflies,” I say. 

 Jackson turns to me, his eyes bright. “You are
human!” he says with a sly smile that makes my stomach tumble. 

 At least my cheeks don’t get hot. I do have
some composure. “But they’re actually called lightning bugs.” 

“What? You made that up.” 

“Did not!”  

I laugh, and we both grow quiet and watch the little
specks of light in the dark field.  

“My family used to go camping in the summer when I
was little,” I say. “My mom and I caught fireflies together. But we haven’t
done it since I was eight or so.”  

“What happened after that?” 

“I don’t know. My dad started working more, we
stopped talking to our cousins and even my grandparents for some reason, and my
parents got stricter and stricter.” I shrug, wondering if that was actually the
beginning of the end of my parents’ relationship, and I just hadn’t seen it.
The same way they didn’t see the way those changes affected me. “That’s around
the time that everything changed for me because they wouldn’t let me out to
play with kids my age, and they stopped playing with me, too.” I’m telling him
more than I’m supposed to.  

“Loneliness sucks.”  

I nod.  

He takes off his backpack and pulls out a jar.
“Maybe we can make her a present.”  

“My mom? You don’t think she’ll say they’re too…you
know…childish?” 

 He takes my hand. “Maybe. But maybe she needs
to remember what it was like when things were good.” 

“What do you mean?”  

“Just some things you’ve said… It sounds like you
guys haven’t been happy in a long time.” He’s right. It’s been a long time
since we were happy. Not just me. My mom. My dad.  

Then he tugs on my hand and brings me into the
field, thankfully saving me from having to confirm or deny anything. I wonder
why they’re even still here, the fireflies. It’s September; aren’t they usually
gone by now? There aren’t as many as there are in the spring and summer, but
there’s enough for me to catch about ten in Jackson’s jar. When we’re finished,
he pokes tiny holes in the lid of the jar and hands it to me. We walk back to
where he left his backpack, and I set my jar down.  

“Is the night over?” he asks, his eyes alight with
something else. Something very unchildish, and it kind of scares me. My whole
body feels alive. At his look, heat rises into my cheeks. Thankfully, it’s too
dark for him to see. I don’t know what Jackson and I are, but I do know that I
don’t want to go home. Not yet. 

Playlist:

Naked
Playlist 

The day Taylor Swift pulled her songs from
Spotify was the day my book playlist went to die. Good thing I was already
finished writing and almost all the edits were done at that point. I remember
having one edit left and I had to make a youtube playlist
because without Taylor Swift, the playlist is seriously lacking. 

I had four major songs that set the tone for
this book (only one of them isn’t a Taylor Swift song). Songs that fit
different aspects so perfectly they felt like they were made for it, made to
help me along (one of which, I swear, could be the theme song). Here is a list
of my most important playlist songs and some of the lyrics that struck me the
most (because, let’s face it, it’s the lyrics that makes these songs so great
for Anna’s story) 

1)
Dear John by Taylor Swift 

Dear John, I see it all now that you’re gone. 

Don’t you think I was too young 

To be messed with? 

The girl in the dress 

Cried the whole way home 

I should’ve known. 

2)
Begin Again by Taylor Swift 

I’ve been spending the last eight months 

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and
end 

But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin
again 

3)
Whore by In This Moment  

You probably thought I wouldn’t get this far 

You thought I’d end up in the back of a car 

You probably thought that I’d never escape 

I’d be a rat in a cage, I’d be a slave to this place 

You don’t know how hard I fought to survive, 

Waking up alone when I was left to die 

You don’t know about this life I’ve lived, 

All these roads I’ve walked 

All these tears I’ve bled 

4)
Innocent by Taylor Swift 

 (I could quote this whole song but I’ll stick
to just a tid bit;) ) 

Did some things you can’t speak of 

But at night you live it all again 

You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now 

If only you had seen what you know now then 

… 

It’s alright, just wait and see 

Your string of lights is still bright to me 

Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been 

You’re still an innocent 

Some other songs on the play list: 

Rise
by Shawn Mcdonald 

Runaway
by Linkin Park 

Torn
to Pieces by Pop Evil 

Somewhere Inbetween by Lifehouse 

Lean
On Me by DC Talk 

Through
Glass by Stone Sour 

Safe
and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars 

Never
Too Late by Three Days Grace 

Psycho
by Puddle Of Mud 

Fearless
by DC Talk